How Should We Be Rethinking Men’s Mental Health?

Success often brings prestige, influence, and financial security. But, for many high-performing men, it also brings isolation and challenges in men’s mental health.

Little was formally known about the loneliness in high performers, especially CEOs. One Harvard Business Review study, however, found that one in five leaders downplayed their own loneliness: speaking to the pressure to appear composed and in control (1). It’s no surprise though – in roles where decisions carry weight and reputations are at stake, vulnerability can often feel unsafe (1).

What’s less visible – however – is how burnout, perfectionism, and high-functioning anxiety can quietly develop behind the mask of discipline and ambition. These aren’t always recognised as distress signals, especially when achievement is the norm.

This week in June marked Men’s Health Week and Loneliness Awareness Week – a timely lens to examine the hidden pressures in men’s mental health. In 2023, male suicide rates in England and Wales rose to 17.4 per 100,000 – the highest since 1999 (2). It’s a stark reminder that outward success doesn’t always reflect inner stability.

We have a deep understanding and empathy for those who’ve “made it” but feel increasingly disconnected. Our discreet, one-to-one care focuses on restoring executive wellbeing, helping clients move from survival to sustainable self-connection.

The Illusion of Connection & How It Impacts Men’s Mental Health

From the outside, high-performing men often appear connected, engaged, and surrounded by people. But proximity does not always equal intimacy. Behind packed calendars and polished interactions, many experience a persistent emotional void – one that is rarely acknowledged, even to themselves.

Relationships, both personal and professional, can become performative. Vulnerability starts to feel like a risk, particularly when there is status to uphold. And, for those in senior or public-facing roles, admitting to emotional strain often feels incompatible with their image (3). In high-pressure environments where competition overshadows collaboration, showing vulnerability can be misread as weakness, and ends up as something to be avoided rather than embraced (4).

This fear is amplified by the perceived fragility of status. Individuals in higher socioeconomic positions may live with an unspoken fear of losing the privileges they’ve worked hard to attain (5). Ironically, though, research increasingly suggests that vulnerability is not a liability, but a strength. Creating space for openness in professional settings can build trust, improve collaboration, and create space for psychological safety (3).

Still, navigating that openness is complex. The more successful someone becomes, the more difficult it can feel to acknowledge internal struggles. Emotional distance often grows slowly, shaped not by lack of care, but by a deep-rooted need to maintain control, composure, and a carefully constructed image.

Intergenerational Echoes of Emotional Distance

Emotional distance often travels quietly between generations, passed down without intention or recognition. Men in high-achieving roles, consumed by the relentless demands of work, may inadvertently model emotional detachment to their children. This subtle process – emotional modelling – teaches children about emotions through observing their parents’ expressions and interactions (6).

Research consistently shows that children regularly learn behaviours implicitly through parental modelling (7). Fathers’ emotional patterns – especially emotional suppression or avoidance – signal to children which feelings are acceptable, shaping their emotional responses their experience of those emotions (8). In households where vulnerability or openness is rarely displayed, children may internalise stoicism as a hallmark of strength, reinforcing cycles of emotional distance (9) and other mental health challenges in men.

Unchecked, these learned patterns can evolve into intergenerational trauma, affecting father-son emotional connection and significantly impacting the broader narrative of men’s mental health and parenting. Recognising this dynamic is the crucial first step toward meaningful change.

When Discipline Masks Distress

Traits such as hyper-productivity, rigid routines, and meticulous control are frequently admired in high-performing individuals, yet they can subtly conceal underlying emotional distress, anxiety, or loneliness. While these disciplined behaviours may initially appear beneficial, they often stem from deeper psychological pressures rather than genuine wellbeing.

This relentless pursuit, commonly mistaken for ‘peak performance’, can mask serious underlying issues until they become unsustainable. Often, high achievers tie their self-worth closely to professional accomplishments; a psychological pattern known as performance-based self-worth (10-11). Over time, this constant pursuit of external validation becomes psychologically exhausting, leading to increased anxiety, frustration, and eventually, burnout (12). The hidden signs of stress in executives often emerge subtly, manifesting as irritability, fatigue, or detachment, reinforcing a cycle in which discipline and control no longer enhance wellbeing, but quietly undermine it (12).

Rethinking Men’s Mental Health Care: A New Approach for Executives

The fear of stigma remains one of the most profound barriers preventing men in high-performance roles from seeking support. Many executives quietly endure emotional challenges, reluctant to compromise their professional image or public perception. Addressing this calls for subtle, non-disruptive interventions, such as somatic practices or performance coaching framed through nervous system optimisation, which offer discreet pathways into care.

Our teams recognise the unique demands faced by executives, and has refined a discreet approach to treatment. Our private, one-client-at-a-time model ensures absolute confidentiality, allowing individuals to engage fully in their recovery without disrupting professional momentum or personal reputation. Tailored specifically to each client’s lifestyle, we meet high-performing individuals precisely where they are, gently facilitating lasting change and genuine healing.

Breaking the Silence, Reclaiming the Self

Loneliness, substance dependencies and mental health challenges among high-achieving men are far more common than publicly acknowledged. Yet, recognising these subtle signs – detachment, perfectionism, or relentless productivity – can mark the beginning of profound recovery. With the right support, successful men can reclaim emotional health, redefine their relationship with success, and build deeper, more meaningful connections.

Open conversations and targeted, discreet support can profoundly shift outcomes, enabling individuals to break free from isolation, overcome hidden struggles, and reconnect authentically with themselves and those around them.

By noticing nuanced changes in behaviour or emotional expression in yourself or for those that you care for, you can help to ensure that everyone can receive the expert care that they need.

References

1. https://hbr.org/2024/12/ceos-often-feel-lonely-heres-how-they-can-cope
2. https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2023
3. https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/why-men-hide-their-emotions
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/mindful-leadership/202307/exploring-the-psychological-impact-of-leader-vulnerability
5. https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/josi.12204
6. https://www.jstor.org/stable/23087913
7. https://www.asecib.ase.ro/mps/Bandura_SocialLearningTheory.pdf
8. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2743505/
9. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/a:1024426431247
10. https://rogercahak.medium.com/who-i-am-is-not-what-i-am-the-curse-of-performance-based-identity-72e88963a5f1
11. https://www.restoredhopecounselingservices.com/blog/2020/11/5/performance-vs-personhood-battling-perfectionism-in-finding-your-value-and-worth
12. https://medium.com/invisible-illness/performance-based-self-esteem-can-lead-to-anxiety-and-burnout-e317f8588d70